rain_and_snow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rain_and_snow) wrote2007-07-07 08:07 pm
rain_and_snow) wrote2007-07-07 08:07 pm
(no subject)
You've seen all the advertising. You've heard all the conversations.
Domestic abuse will not be tolerated by the government.
If a girl is being hit by her boyfriend she's told to get help. If she's hit twice, she's told to leave him.
If a girl is being emotionally abused by her boyfriend, she's told to leave him. If someone is being psychologically abused by a friend they're told to find new friends.
If a girl is being emotionally abused by her family, she can't leave. In fact, the parents, if the legal guardians, have the right to have their child returned to them. Emotional and psychological abuse is never prosecuted. It's too hard to get evidence for. Feelings cannot be debated, they cannot be proved. Feelings are internal, more so than thoughts because we do not think feelings by definition, we feel them.
Society tells us that parents do what they think is best for their children. "You have to be cruel to be kind". Imagine if someone told a girl that her boyfriend abused her because he thought it was kind. Or because he thought that it was best for her. The person saying these things would be torn down by the media, or by society at large. But this is what is happening. "Don't leave - they care about you" and "talk to them, work it out" are commonly heard said to children and teenagers. They are never said to victims of domestic abuse of the physical kind.
Ironic, isn't it, that it's legal to destroy someone for the rest of their lives while they're still developing, but it's not legal to sleep with someone you love.
Domestic abuse will not be tolerated by the government.
If a girl is being hit by her boyfriend she's told to get help. If she's hit twice, she's told to leave him.
If a girl is being emotionally abused by her boyfriend, she's told to leave him. If someone is being psychologically abused by a friend they're told to find new friends.
If a girl is being emotionally abused by her family, she can't leave. In fact, the parents, if the legal guardians, have the right to have their child returned to them. Emotional and psychological abuse is never prosecuted. It's too hard to get evidence for. Feelings cannot be debated, they cannot be proved. Feelings are internal, more so than thoughts because we do not think feelings by definition, we feel them.
Society tells us that parents do what they think is best for their children. "You have to be cruel to be kind". Imagine if someone told a girl that her boyfriend abused her because he thought it was kind. Or because he thought that it was best for her. The person saying these things would be torn down by the media, or by society at large. But this is what is happening. "Don't leave - they care about you" and "talk to them, work it out" are commonly heard said to children and teenagers. They are never said to victims of domestic abuse of the physical kind.
Ironic, isn't it, that it's legal to destroy someone for the rest of their lives while they're still developing, but it's not legal to sleep with someone you love.
Take the case of the 12 year old girl and the 31 year old man. She only returned home because her mother deceived her - her mother told her that she didn't mind about her boyfriend, that she only wanted her daughter back. Her mother's first words to her daughter, upon the daughter's return, were "How are you? Give us a hug."
How respected do you think that girl felt when she heard that the man she loved was ambushed by police in Frankfurt? That her own MOTHER had deceived her in order to get her back home. This is called a case of 'false care'. This is called 'disrespect'. This is called 'misunderstanding'. If the case was actually that a girl was staying with her abusive boyfriend, and her mother 'abducted' her, the mother would be seen as a hero.
What would make any 12 year old girl "care deeply" about a man more than twice her age? It's been shown that daughters who had a good relationship with their father look for a boyfriend as a substitute - as a 'father figure'. What about girls who lacked that relationship? Often, these girls are sensitive. They are usually intelligent too, as rather than interacting with people they apply themselves to learning. It's considered that they're searching for something to fill the void, to show them how to make their family love them. (This is the case in girls who have poor relationships with both parents, particularly) This intelligence makes interacting with their peers difficult, so they are left relatively alone. Adults, however, are more intellectually developed - more at the level of the intelligent and sensitive young person.
If this were the case as in the example above, should we really be seeing the man as a sexual predator? Sex makes someone feel loved - human contact which they haven't received in years makes them feel cared for. Often people who have experienced emotional abuse at a young age continue on in life going from one sexual partner to another in the blink of an eye, looking for someone to care for them in the way they need.
If this girl's father never hugged her, if her mother constantly deceived her, why would she have wanted to stay living at 'home' with her parents?
How respected do you think that girl felt when she heard that the man she loved was ambushed by police in Frankfurt? That her own MOTHER had deceived her in order to get her back home. This is called a case of 'false care'. This is called 'disrespect'. This is called 'misunderstanding'. If the case was actually that a girl was staying with her abusive boyfriend, and her mother 'abducted' her, the mother would be seen as a hero.
What would make any 12 year old girl "care deeply" about a man more than twice her age? It's been shown that daughters who had a good relationship with their father look for a boyfriend as a substitute - as a 'father figure'. What about girls who lacked that relationship? Often, these girls are sensitive. They are usually intelligent too, as rather than interacting with people they apply themselves to learning. It's considered that they're searching for something to fill the void, to show them how to make their family love them. (This is the case in girls who have poor relationships with both parents, particularly) This intelligence makes interacting with their peers difficult, so they are left relatively alone. Adults, however, are more intellectually developed - more at the level of the intelligent and sensitive young person.
If this were the case as in the example above, should we really be seeing the man as a sexual predator? Sex makes someone feel loved - human contact which they haven't received in years makes them feel cared for. Often people who have experienced emotional abuse at a young age continue on in life going from one sexual partner to another in the blink of an eye, looking for someone to care for them in the way they need.
If this girl's father never hugged her, if her mother constantly deceived her, why would she have wanted to stay living at 'home' with her parents?
no subject
Ive been told many times that if the girls father does not show her love, this leads to promiscuity and the need to "be loved" by men.
Sorry about the other night, my phone stopped working and wouldnt let me call anyone.
xoxo
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I love the way you can make what I was trying to say make sense. Thany-ye.
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Generally, I believe acts done between two consenting adults are nobodies business, but a 12 year old is still a child in my eyes, so their consent is diffenent... I'll stop before I start repeating myself. :P
Anyhow, that man was her escape, but there should be a better way for people like that so they need not seek out such things.
no subject
Yes, I agree that he should have been responsible enough not to get into a situation where he abuses her youth.
Personally, I see nothing wrong with the girl seeking out a 'father figure'. But she should be careful how far she goes in this kind of relationship. In fact, both should be very aware of where they stand and not... cross the boundaries. *grasps at words* Especially that man since he is so much older.
(Have I gone off topic? I think my understanding of the situation isn't quite... what it is)
no subject
Definately, they each need to be responsible. I just wonder if the girl, by seeking somewhere else to be, was being very responsible for her welfare? Possibly I'm stretching too far for meaning here, but I wonder if she did actually consider the possibility of physical vs. emotional abuse, and made her decision that way.
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no subject
HUZZAH! That is what I was trying to say... you just made it coherent. Thank-you!