rain_and_snow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rain_and_snow) wrote2007-10-30 06:01 pm
rain_and_snow) wrote2007-10-30 06:01 pm
(no subject)
I'm not worried about the exams, I'm worried about after them. I will miss the rigid structure that was school - even the lack-of-choice about what to wear each day. So, to prepare myself, I might be going to school next year, too (not MLC though)! And doing all those FUN subjects that I just didn't do this year, like Methods 3,4, and maybe INS, and Design - fashion or jewelery though - tough choice (no, really!). And photography, if I can fit that in. Latin is an idea, as is Spanish, or the-language-they-speak-in-Russia-that-I-can't-even-spell-in-English, or Japanese, or SOMETHING. Thus I'd be doing another year of school in my 'gap' year, which would be almost like doing an Arts course, but 'betterer' because I could do MATH!
DOES a list of illicit drugs and poisons (in Victoria) exist? I've read the 'act' of 1981, but that only states things like heroin, cannabis and amphetamines. It doesn't state WHICH amphetamines either. DUMB I say - it leaves for anyone the "I didn't know" excuse when the law comes to town. And why can't I find it? It makes doing any chemistry in the back-yard very risky if I don't know what I can't make!
Firstly, I have put on ten kilograms in ten weeks.
Yes, this is true, and I can see it on myself as well. I am sure that weather you say it or not, you can see it too - I actually look HEALTHY. And I'm back and in the healthy weight range. So, yes, I know it's true and I know it's visible. I am, however, having a lot of difficulty finding clothes that I fit into - my school uniform is about all I've got that fits. And one pair of pants. It's a bit sad, really.
I am finding it really difficult being this weight - I constantly see my reflection and fail to recognise myself. I'm used to being small, and seem to keep ending up *not* fitting through gaps I thought I would, or being able to sit next to people on trains. I admit that every time I look in the mirror I feel a little sad, because I devoted four years of my life to being what was, essentially, very unhealthy. I theoretically, may not be able to have children, but I don't see this as the loss many expect me to because I simply don't want to have any.
These thought patterns tend to indicate that I haven't recovered mentally - more that I'm just going through the motions. I feel like this should worry me. It doesn't. Which does worry me. Because I WANT to want to get better. Because maybe then I could, and my mind would be that little bit better - it WOULDN'T be nauseous at a reflection - because I still stick by some of my distorted thoughts. I still believe some of them.
The medication that I am on at the moment - mirtrazapine - increases my desire to put food in my mouth. Before the sensation disgusted me, however I crave it at the moment, thus it has helped me eat more, allowing me to gain weight. It's also slowed down my metabolism, which meant that the food I ate didn't "just dissapear", as Paul so eloquently puts it. It also knocks me out in three minutes, so when I go to bed it's VERY easy to tell if I've missed a dose.
Another non-localised infection = more antibiotics = eating more yogurt = yuck.
My sessions with Helen aren't really being very useful. I've not really got anything to say. She's managed to tell me that if I remain this stressed I'm very likely to get cancer, or at least something chronic. So, she says, I should remove myself from my stressors. This isn't schoolwork, rather unfortunately, but my family, which doesn't look like it'll end in four weeks time. And at the end of the exams, I'm going to have to re-negotiate living arrangements here, which I'll find stressful.
Yes, this is true, and I can see it on myself as well. I am sure that weather you say it or not, you can see it too - I actually look HEALTHY. And I'm back and in the healthy weight range. So, yes, I know it's true and I know it's visible. I am, however, having a lot of difficulty finding clothes that I fit into - my school uniform is about all I've got that fits. And one pair of pants. It's a bit sad, really.
I am finding it really difficult being this weight - I constantly see my reflection and fail to recognise myself. I'm used to being small, and seem to keep ending up *not* fitting through gaps I thought I would, or being able to sit next to people on trains. I admit that every time I look in the mirror I feel a little sad, because I devoted four years of my life to being what was, essentially, very unhealthy. I theoretically, may not be able to have children, but I don't see this as the loss many expect me to because I simply don't want to have any.
These thought patterns tend to indicate that I haven't recovered mentally - more that I'm just going through the motions. I feel like this should worry me. It doesn't. Which does worry me. Because I WANT to want to get better. Because maybe then I could, and my mind would be that little bit better - it WOULDN'T be nauseous at a reflection - because I still stick by some of my distorted thoughts. I still believe some of them.
The medication that I am on at the moment - mirtrazapine - increases my desire to put food in my mouth. Before the sensation disgusted me, however I crave it at the moment, thus it has helped me eat more, allowing me to gain weight. It's also slowed down my metabolism, which meant that the food I ate didn't "just dissapear", as Paul so eloquently puts it. It also knocks me out in three minutes, so when I go to bed it's VERY easy to tell if I've missed a dose.
Another non-localised infection = more antibiotics = eating more yogurt = yuck.
My sessions with Helen aren't really being very useful. I've not really got anything to say. She's managed to tell me that if I remain this stressed I'm very likely to get cancer, or at least something chronic. So, she says, I should remove myself from my stressors. This isn't schoolwork, rather unfortunately, but my family, which doesn't look like it'll end in four weeks time. And at the end of the exams, I'm going to have to re-negotiate living arrangements here, which I'll find stressful.
DOES a list of illicit drugs and poisons (in Victoria) exist? I've read the 'act' of 1981, but that only states things like heroin, cannabis and amphetamines. It doesn't state WHICH amphetamines either. DUMB I say - it leaves for anyone the "I didn't know" excuse when the law comes to town. And why can't I find it? It makes doing any chemistry in the back-yard very risky if I don't know what I can't make!
no subject
I know someone who did a year thirteen, she finished at Macrob with an ENTER of 98, I think, then she went to Steiner school for another year 12. She has said that she loved it, I am not sure how valuable that would be really though.
In terms of degrees though if you want to do everything there's always Arts/Science.
no subject