rain_and_snow | (no subject)

Crying : He never thinks about ANYONE but HIMSELF

That's a little high , coming from you, don cha think? Ironic? Bordering on hypocritical, perhaps?
You're saying that, wanting him to be thinking of you, dear. So, you're only thinking of yourself as well.
Odd that TODAY you want the first bath, when so often you want the second.
But that's okay.
Lesson - don't ever expect anyone to think of anyone but themselves. It would be stupid and anti-natural-selection for them to do so. And so you're setting yourself, and them, up to fail. So please don't be an idiot.

And the most qualified person I see gives me my prognosis. I'm not going to get better, and it's a case of living with it, and around it, like you would any disability. To me, this is rather shattering. Okay, very shattering. Because before it was all about fixing and saving and mending.
One year and he triggered my psychotic episodes, potentially my anxiety, and some levels of mania too. So, they're here to stay.
As is everything that was before year 12 as well.

"They Can't Save Us Now" - Kill Hannah

So this is how it is to be alone
Your heart beats like it's cracked and made of stone
But whenever someone asks just say there's nothing wrong

They can't save us now
'Cause we're far away from home
And there's no where else to go
They can't save us now
'Cause we're lost and won't be found
We can scream so loud
But they can't save us now

So this is how it feels to be insane
The world looks like a movie always playing
But how can hearts so young feel so much pain?

They can't save us now
'Cause we're far away from home
And there's no where else to go
They can't ever save us now
Will they ever understand we don't want to be like them?

They say "but you are so functional".
At least I don't fit the criteria for tranquilisers.
At least I know some ways I can avoid a PE being triggered.
At least I *am* functional.

And yeah. That was my hope, on a plate.
And for almost everything, meds won't work.
The ones that would, well - it'd be more like giving me morphine than ibuprofen. And that can't be done long term.
Oddly enough he decided to tell my GP about stuff to help me sleep.
And tells me that it only comes in packs of 25.
And tells me that it's lethal.
And tells me he'll be leaving the GP a note about it's RESPONSIBLE USE, and as such I'll really only be getting 100 or 125 tablets a year.
And tells me that he's always there, if I need to see him, but this is it, really, because there's nothing more, because that's it.
Way to go. It was strange how deliberate he was.

I've got all the qualifications to become a psycho murder. YAY!

Don't think I'll be out or around much until I've properly dealt with this.

I got the media in. Thank fuck. No, it's not particularly good. But what does that matter. It's IN. I think Jo 'got' more of that than I'd have liked her to.

Fashion? Due Thursday. I might be screwed. Who knows.
I need now to rebone what I did. -.-' And that sucks.
I am, however, now very good at removing the heads of safety pins.